Protest For Dummies

by Steve White & The Protest Family

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1.
There's a woman in a crown talking on the telly A woman in a crown talking 'bout austerity A woman in a crown, some sorta ceremony A woman in a crown, and she's tellin' me That she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen There's a woman on the telly in a million pound hat She's talking on the telly 'bout a welfare cap Not sure the civil list's included in that And she can still afford to buy a Right To Buy flat Though she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen There's a woman on the telly talkin' 'bout the Tories  A woman on the telly tellin' aspiration stories She waves a royal finger to show Europe where the door is While we pay for her family and food for her corgis 'Cos she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen The woman in the crown don't like you gettin' high The woman in the crown don't like your human rights The woman in the crown kissed your privacy goodbye The woman in the crown don't like your right to strike And she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen
2.
Good evening grapple fans once again It's tag team time from number ten In the red corner Jezza defending his belts In the blue corner, there's everyone else It's Saturday tea time on ITV But standing on the tag is the BBC Kent Walton on the commentary Let's hand you over to our MC Ladies and gentlemen There is a change to the scheduled programme I'm very sorry to have to tell you That Jeremy Corbyn........ …....................is here This Daily Politics show Will be decided by two falls Two submissions Or a knockout Good evening grapple fans once again It's tag team time from number ten In the red corner Jezza defending his belts In the blue corner, there's everyone else The crowd are already with Corbyn You can hear them willing him to win But the Laura Kuenssberg's got him in a headlock And now she's tagging Nick Robinson in Half-nelson that's old school And Simon Dansczuk's bending the rules! Ay yai yai, that's not fair His corner resigning live on air Good evening grapple fans once again It's tag team time from number ten In the red corner Jezza defending his belts In the blue corner, there's everyone else Seconds away, round two I hope that Corbyn can see this through Trying to tag McDonnell, coming up for air But Bomber Creasy just hit him with a chair 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 It's OK he's back on his feet Corbyn's a hard opponent to beat So that's all grapple fans, until next week Have a good week Yes next week grapple fans once again It's tag team time from number ten Corbyn's a hard opponent to beat So have a good week ….until next week
3.
They say that he's a Syrian His mum was a Palestinian His dad was a notable Christian So what's he doing here? He's a man with military expertise I'm sure that we could use skills like his If you need a dragon slaying he's the bee's knees So what's he doing here? George is stuck in the Jungle He can't get past Calais George is stuck in the Jungle It's no place for a patron saint The media are calling him all kinds of names He's a migrant here to make all kinds of claims Dehumanisation and shame Saying “What's he doing here?” The prime minister called him a swarm But he's escaping from a brutal war One that we're responsible for That's what he's doing here But George is stuck in the Jungle He can't get past Calais George is stuck in the Jungle It's no place for a patron saint Here's here for our help and no mistake It's help we can give and help he needs to take He's a fellow human being for fuck's sake It's what he's doing here He's here to work while our asylum he seeks He ain't here for thirty-seven pounds a week No way to treat a dragon-slayer so to speak It's what we're doing here But George is stuck in the Jungle He can't get past Calais George is stuck in the Jungle It's no place for a patron saint Stick you're barbed wire and your border guards The solution to this problem ain't very hard Stop starting wars in other folks back yards It's what we're doing here Your cross of St George carries a massive taint If you tolerate racism, tolerant you ain't It's no way to treat your own patron saint And it's what we're doing here But George is stuck in the Jungle He can't get past Calais George is stuck in the Jungle It's no place for a patron saint
4.
Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen Ain't a Syrian in Christendom that wants your job So point your opposition at the government's position Not the poor bloke running from the bomb Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen Your spare bed's safe from the PM's swarm There's hundred's of rooms in Buckingham Palace And we pay the old lady there to keep them warm Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen Ain't a Syrian in Christendom that wants your job So point your opposition at the government's position Not the poor bloke running from the bomb Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen Your culture's been the same for centuries Successive immigration is success for the nation The best population is diverse you see Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen Ain't a Syrian in Christendom that wants your job So point your opposition at the government's position Not the poor bloke running from the bomb
5.
They're fruitcakes Loonies Closet racists Let's take this analysis Back to basics Let's look at UKIP In a dispassionate way Let's look at UKIP And what they say Godfrey Bloom, for example Said women are sluts Clean behind your fridges ladies It's a must And Roger Helmer, he said you Can choose your sexuality Just like choosing milk and sugar In your tea But Victoria, Victoria Victoria says Victoria, Victoria Victoria says What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? Stuart Agnew said babies Get in the way Julia Reid said Islam Has no place in the UK Nigel Farage doesn't like The Romanians next door Or Polish speakers on the bus Or anyone poor But Victoria, Victoria Victoria says Victoria, Victoria Victoria says What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? Bill Etheridge thinks golliwog dolls Are OK Paul Nuttall hates elephants Voted for the ivory trade Silvester gave the world gay weather From god's right hand Godfrey Bloom, remember Godfrey Talked of Bongo Bongo Land But Victoria, Victoria Victoria says Victoria, Victoria Victoria says What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? What happens when the renewable energy runs out? Fruitcakes, loonies, closet racists In the UK Fruitcakes, loonies closet racists And what they say
6.
03:23
We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody, hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes, we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times In a hardworking garden under hardworking trees, slagging off the wasps to the hard working bees, drinking hardworking beer under a hardworking sun, we're hardworking boozers once the hardworking's done We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody, hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes, we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times Hardworking crooks commit hardworking crime, and hardworking prisoners do hardworking time, behind hardworking walls and in hardworking yards under hardworking lock and key and hardworking guards. We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody, hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times Hardworking Lycra on a hardworking jogger pass a hardworking motorist whose thoughts are quite improper, hardworking cyclists on hardworking bikes ride on hardworking pavements and run hardworking lights. We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody, hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times Hardworking folk live on their hardworking wits suffer hardworking cuts to their hardworking benefits the hardworking NHS is hardworking toast like the hardworking railways and hardworking post. We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody, hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times The hardworking pundit in his hardworking rambles tells of hardworking budgetary omnishambles a hardworking phrase, sound hardworking bite; hardworking words don't make it hardworking alright We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody, hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times
7.
03:39
There's travellers living in Sainsbury's car park Locals are complaining that they don't pay any tax I don't see 'em burning their Take That albums Don't see 'em taking their Vodafone's back There's travellers on the field in Sewardstone Road A militia being formed on a Facebook page Some people think an action group is just for talking Some people are planning some GBH, GBH, GBH It's casual racism No escapin' it here All is not well, all is not well, all is not well It's getting' out of hand All is not well, all is not well, all is not well In Duncan Smith Land A helicopter flying over the houses A helicopter flying all bloody day Apparently they're chasing illegal Romainians That's OK but they're keeping me awake And they're living in the Guide Hut on Kings Head Hill There's a whole shanty town off of Advent Way Don't care about their problems. Consider voting UKIP Just wish the foreigners would go away, go away, go away It's casual racism No escapin' it here All is not well, all is not well, all is not well It's getting' out of hand All is not well, all is not well, all is not well In Duncan Smith Land There's a homeless man living in Larkswood Park Have you seen the queues for the Doctor's Surgery No one wants to walk there after dark I blame the immigrants, they got here early And they're doggin' in the bushes at the back of my house I'm tryin' not to look, no I don't know who The council won't cut the trees, the gypsies will It's so confusing I dunno what to do, dunno what to do, dunno what to do It's casual racism No escapin' it here All is not well, all is not well, all is not well It's getting' out of hand All is not well, all is not well, all is not well In Duncan Smith Land Iain Duncan Smith Land Iain Duncan Smith Land Iain Duncan Smith Land Iain Duncan Smith Land They're Tory-voting Immigrant scapegoating Enoch Powell Apocalypse-approaching Hate-promoting They're not joking I don't understand Iain Duncan Smith Land
8.
Feel let down by politics? Feel let down by the system, and the man? Feel like burning down the ballot box? Well, if you wanna vote for None Of The Above, you can. You wanna vote for none of the above? In Chingford and Woodford Green you can He'll be the first name on your ballot paper Above, None Of The: He's your man He's a one man band of constitutional reform Says a local referendum should be the norm I'd like to see his manifesto for this town But it seems his web site is permanently down You wanna vote for none of the above? In Chingford and Woodford Green you can He'll be the first name on your ballot paper Above, None Of The: He's your man What about the economy? Let's have a referendum What about the NHS? Let's have a referendum What about the war? Let's have a referendum Let's have a referendum About the referendum You wanna vote for none of the above? In Chingford and Woodford Green you can He'll be the first name on your ballot paper Above, None Of The: He's your man He got 202 votes That's about half of one percent On a ticket of mass consultation And a bid to increase unemployment You wanna vote for none of the above? In Chingford and Woodford Green you can He'll be the first name on your ballot paper Above, None Of The: He's your man He blamed anti-social youth His cuts would make a Tory proud His campaign manager was his mum And his name on the ballot was the wrong way round You wanna vote for none of the above? In Chingford and Woodford Green you can He'll be the first name on your ballot paper Above, None Of The: He's your man
9.
02:02
There's a Heritage Lottery funded thing in Hoe St A lottery funded workshop thing in an Awesomestow street From Small Wonder in Walthamstow It's small wonder in Awesomestow That all that we really wanna know Is what the fuck is a pop-up punk? Yeah you're old school.... you're a real die-hard With Never Mind The Bollocks on your credit card Who's that sell out selling butter? Who's that part-time in the gutter? Enough to make a Strummer splutter What the fuck is a pop-up punk? Here they come, la la la la la la, la la la la la la the pop-up punks...... There's a Heritage Lottery funded thing in your street A cheeky Nandos, multiplex cinema, shipping out the poor street Commodifying your memories Packaged up with booking fees Can somebody tell us please What the fuck is a pop-up punk? Here they come, la la la la la la, la la la la la la the pop-up punks, the pop-up punks...... Here they come, la la la la la la, la la la la la la the pop-up punks,................what the fuck is a pop-up punk?
10.
It's not illegal if only rich people do it Dolled up in their red coats on Boxing Day It's not illegal to try to stop it But the coppers only come to chase the sabs away It's not illegal if the rich people say it It's their parliament makin' up the laws It's not illegal to make 'em stick to it There's laws that they like, and there's laws that they ignore 'Cos Cameron supports the hunt And Clarkson supports the hunt And Farage supports the hunt Well, we all knew...... Cruelty's a capitalist game They treat human beings just the same So if you're taking sides we've given ours a name: We're on the side of the fox It's not illegal if only rich people do it Set the boys and the dogs after the fox gone to ground It's not illegal if the rich people want it Like kettling a protest, pushing students around The rich man wants to set his hounds on you But you're in Parliament Square, what a shame He might have to settle for the Boys in Blue But it's a chase on horseback just the same 'Cos Cameron supports the hunt And Clarkson supports the hunt And Farage supports the hunt Well, we all knew...... Cruelty's a capitalist game They treat human beings just the same So if you're taking sides we've given ours a name: We're on the side of the fox The fox's scent or the people's dissent The toffs will want to hunt it down With or without lawful consent In the field, in the forest, in the town Make a stand Raise your hand Join the band Make it stop We're on the side of the fox
11.
Jemima’s up the duff but she doesn’t want to get fat It’s all about her waist not the baby’s health and all that She’s basking in the glow Of a feature in Hello She’s sniffing gluten And Ben is an addict he proper can’t get enough Of artisan bread with an artisan craft crust He’s basking in the glow Of his morning sourdough Sniffing gluten Sniffing gluten in Shoreditch and the Hampstead borders Sniffing gluten in Chelsea under dieticians orders So grab your Bugaboo And a plastic bag or two For sniffing gluten Sniffing gluten in the Village it’s the latest craze Sniffing gluten as two of your five-a-days So grab your Bugaboo And a plastic bag or two For sniffing gluten She can’t help sniffing gluten, it makes her really ill Her disease is now in fashion, that’s the bitterest pill There’s no afterglow From the places that she goes Sniffing gluten Jemima’s up the duff but she doesn’t want to get fat What the actual fuck is fucking up with that? Someone have a word Hasn’t she heard Of sniffing gluten Sniffing gluten in Shoreditch and the Hampstead borders Sniffing gluten in Chelsea under dieticians orders So grab your Bugaboo And a plastic bag or two For sniffing gluten Sniffing gluten in the Village it’s the latest craze Sniffing gluten as two of your five-a-days So grab your Bugaboo And a plastic bag or two For sniffing gluten Didn’t we used to know a magazine about that? Now I wanna sniff some gluten
12.
Facebollocks Wilkobastards Virginfuckin media Crocs on her feet, tits and teeth Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia Tolpuddle Martyrs, Grace Petrie Cider in a box pissed, Billy Bragg guest list Rock chick hair, never trusted Tony Blair Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia Taught a generation of activists to swear Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia A pint of Piddle from Spanish Lidl, shopping in Waitrose but don't go to Tescos Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia Biscuits, cider and Saddoes Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia Biscuits, cider and saddoes

about

“We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking family” Steve and the band declare on this, the Protest Family's third studio album. Despite the band's steady gig schedule since their formation in 2009, this is not self-praise. Instead it's a barbed attack on successive governments' attempts to co-opt the language of the working class and to divide us into strivers and skivers.

Protest For Dummies is an unashamedly political album that nonetheless never hectors or lectures but will make you laugh, cry, tap your foot and sing along.

Band leader Steve can still be found every summer hosting the unplugged sessions at the Tolpuddle Martyrs Festival, joined by sidekick Funky Lol Ross whose mandolin and electric guitar do so much to shape the band's sound. Veteran bass player Doug E Harper continues to provide the foundations that the whole album's built on, while award-winning banjo player Russ Chandler's presence once again makes this the band's most-settled line-up.

The two-year period that this album was written over saw a change of government whose programme gets set out in rhyme in God Save The Queen's Speech, increasing attacks on the welfare state and a heightening of the Syrian refugee crisis, which as the band are quick to point out is much more of a crisis for people fleeing war than for the governments of their host countries. Would St George have got past the Calais Jungle, they ask. Their tales of the times take in fox hunting, more UKIP gaffes and the media's treatment of Jeremy Corbyn, re-told as a wrestling match. Steve turns his attention away from the band's Walthamstow base to bring us news from the northern end of the borough too. That place where the people who vote for Iain Duncan Smith live.

Musically the band are still occupying that space that's neither punk nor folk but at the same time is both, keeping the company of the likes of The Men They Couldn't Hang and The Levellers while still earning comparisons with The Clash, Ian Dury and Billy Bragg.

What's that you say? The world's gone to hell in a handcart? Steve White & The Protest Family know a song about that.

credits

released December 5, 2016

Russ Chandler - banjo, vocals
Doug E. Harper - bass, vocals
Funky Lol Ross - guitars, mandolin,melodica, percussion, vocals
Steve White - guitars, harmonica, percussion, vocals

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Steve White & The Protest Family UK

"[They] remind me of The Clash" - Basil Gabbidon (Steel Pulse)

"I love this band. Punk minstrels who chronicle our times with humour, passion and immense talent." - Bob Oram, Morning Star

"Everybody please visit: Steve White & The Protest Family" - Tom Robinson

"Constructive political music" - Joe Solo
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