Protest For Dummies

by Steve White & The Protest Family

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about

“We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking family” Steve and the band declare on this, the Protest Family's third studio album. Despite the band's steady gig schedule since their formation in 2009, this is not self-praise. Instead it's a barbed attack on successive governments' attempts to co-opt the language of the working class and to divide us into strivers and skivers.

Protest For Dummies is an unashamedly political album that nonetheless never hectors or lectures but will make you laugh, cry, tap your foot and sing along.

Band leader Steve can still be found every summer hosting the unplugged sessions at the Tolpuddle Martyrs Festival, joined by sidekick Funky Lol Ross whose mandolin and electric guitar do so much to shape the band's sound. Veteran bass player Doug E Harper continues to provide the foundations that the whole album's built on, while award-winning banjo player Russ Chandler's presence once again makes this the band's most-settled line-up.

The two-year period that this album was written over saw a change of government whose programme gets set out in rhyme in God Save The Queen's Speech, increasing attacks on the welfare state and a heightening of the Syrian refugee crisis, which as the band are quick to point out is much more of a crisis for people fleeing war than for the governments of their host countries. Would St George have got past the Calais Jungle, they ask. Their tales of the times take in fox hunting, more UKIP gaffes and the media's treatment of Jeremy Corbyn, re-told as a wrestling match. Steve turns his attention away from the band's Walthamstow base to bring us news from the northern end of the borough too. That place where the people who vote for Iain Duncan Smith live.

Musically the band are still occupying that space that's neither punk nor folk but at the same time is both, keeping the company of the likes of The Men They Couldn't Hang and The Levellers while still earning comparisons with The Clash, Ian Dury and Billy Bragg.

What's that you say? The world's gone to hell in a handcart? Steve White & The Protest Family know a song about that.

credits

released December 5, 2016

Russ Chandler - banjo, vocals
Doug E. Harper - bass, vocals
Funky Lol Ross - guitars, mandolin,melodica, percussion, vocals
Steve White - guitars, harmonica, percussion, vocals

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Steve White & The Protest Family UK

" Local folk-punk hero's Steve White & The Protest Family who are rapidly acquiring a reputation as one of the best bands to come out of East London for a generation. With lots of swearing" - Walthamstow Folk

"This music should be textbook 101 for all alternative folk practitioners..." - Prosity Records

"The King Blues for grown-ups" - Anon
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Track Name: God Save the Queen's Speech
There's a woman in a crown talking on the telly
A woman in a crown talking 'bout austerity
A woman in a crown, some sorta ceremony
A woman in a crown, and she's tellin' me

That she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene
She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen

There's a woman on the telly in a million pound hat
She's talking on the telly 'bout a welfare cap
Not sure the civil list's included in that
And she can still afford to buy a Right To Buy flat

Though she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene
She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen

There's a woman on the telly talkin' 'bout the Tories 
A woman on the telly tellin' aspiration stories
She waves a royal finger to show Europe where the door is
While we pay for her family and food for her corgis

'Cos she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene
She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen

The woman in the crown don't like you gettin' high
The woman in the crown don't like your human rights
The woman in the crown kissed your privacy goodbye
The woman in the crown don't like your right to strike

And she lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
She lives a life of luxury that you might call obscene
She lives in the biggest council house I've ever seen
A lifetime on benefits, God Save The Queen
Track Name: Tag Team Time
Good evening grapple fans once again
It's tag team time from number ten
In the red corner Jezza defending his belts
In the blue corner, there's everyone else

It's Saturday tea time on ITV
But standing on the tag is the BBC
Kent Walton on the commentary
Let's hand you over to our MC

Ladies and gentlemen
There is a change to the scheduled programme
I'm very sorry to have to tell you
That Jeremy Corbyn........
…....................is here

This Daily Politics show
Will be decided by two falls
Two submissions
Or a knockout

Good evening grapple fans once again
It's tag team time from number ten
In the red corner Jezza defending his belts
In the blue corner, there's everyone else

The crowd are already with Corbyn
You can hear them willing him to win
But the Laura Kuenssberg's got him in a headlock
And now she's tagging Nick Robinson in

Half-nelson that's old school
And Simon Dansczuk's bending the rules!
Ay yai yai, that's not fair
His corner resigning live on air

Good evening grapple fans once again
It's tag team time from number ten
In the red corner Jezza defending his belts
In the blue corner, there's everyone else

Seconds away, round two
I hope that Corbyn can see this through
Trying to tag McDonnell, coming up for air
But Bomber Creasy just hit him with a chair

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

It's OK he's back on his feet
Corbyn's a hard opponent to beat
So that's all grapple fans, until next week
Have a good week

Yes next week grapple fans once again
It's tag team time from number ten
Corbyn's a hard opponent to beat
So have a good week ….until next week
Track Name: George of The Jungle
They say that he's a Syrian
His mum was a Palestinian
His dad was a notable Christian
So what's he doing here?

He's a man with military expertise
I'm sure that we could use skills like his
If you need a dragon slaying he's the bee's knees
So what's he doing here?

George is stuck in the Jungle
He can't get past Calais
George is stuck in the Jungle
It's no place for a patron saint

The media are calling him all kinds of names
He's a migrant here to make all kinds of claims
Dehumanisation and shame
Saying “What's he doing here?”

The prime minister called him a swarm
But he's escaping from a brutal war
One that we're responsible for
That's what he's doing here

But George is stuck in the Jungle
He can't get past Calais
George is stuck in the Jungle
It's no place for a patron saint

Here's here for our help and no mistake
It's help we can give and help he needs to take
He's a fellow human being for fuck's sake
It's what he's doing here

He's here to work while our asylum he seeks
He ain't here for thirty-seven pounds a week
No way to treat a dragon-slayer so to speak
It's what we're doing here

But George is stuck in the Jungle
He can't get past Calais
George is stuck in the Jungle
It's no place for a patron saint

Stick you're barbed wire and your border guards
The solution to this problem ain't very hard
Stop starting wars in other folks back yards
It's what we're doing here

Your cross of St George carries a massive taint
If you tolerate racism, tolerant you ain't
It's no way to treat your own patron saint
And it's what we're doing here

But George is stuck in the Jungle
He can't get past Calais
George is stuck in the Jungle
It's no place for a patron saint
Track Name: Cheer Up Mate
Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen
Ain't a Syrian in Christendom that wants your job
So point your opposition at the government's position
Not the poor bloke running from the bomb

Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen
Your spare bed's safe from the PM's swarm
There's hundred's of rooms in Buckingham Palace
And we pay the old lady there to keep them warm

Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen
Ain't a Syrian in Christendom that wants your job
So point your opposition at the government's position
Not the poor bloke running from the bomb

Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen
Your culture's been the same for centuries
Successive immigration is success for the nation
The best population is diverse you see

Cheer up mate, it's never gonna happen
Ain't a Syrian in Christendom that wants your job
So point your opposition at the government's position
Not the poor bloke running from the bomb
Track Name: Victoria Says
They're fruitcakes
Loonies
Closet racists
Let's take this analysis
Back to basics
Let's look at UKIP
In a dispassionate way
Let's look at UKIP
And what they say

Godfrey Bloom, for example
Said women are sluts
Clean behind your fridges ladies
It's a must
And Roger Helmer, he said you
Can choose your sexuality
Just like choosing milk and sugar
In your tea

But Victoria, Victoria
Victoria says
Victoria, Victoria
Victoria says

What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?

Stuart Agnew said babies
Get in the way
Julia Reid said Islam
Has no place in the UK
Nigel Farage doesn't like
The Romanians next door
Or Polish speakers on the bus
Or anyone poor

But Victoria, Victoria
Victoria says
Victoria, Victoria
Victoria says

What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?

Bill Etheridge thinks golliwog dolls
Are OK
Paul Nuttall hates elephants
Voted for the ivory trade
Silvester gave the world gay weather
From god's right hand
Godfrey Bloom, remember Godfrey
Talked of Bongo Bongo Land

But Victoria, Victoria
Victoria says
Victoria, Victoria
Victoria says

What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?
What happens when the renewable energy runs out?

Fruitcakes, loonies, closet racists
In the UK
Fruitcakes, loonies closet racists
And what they say
Track Name: Hardwork
We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family
with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody,
hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes,
we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times

In a hardworking garden under hardworking trees,
slagging off the wasps to the hard working bees,
drinking hardworking beer under a hardworking sun,
we're hardworking boozers once the hardworking's done

We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family
with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody,
hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes,
we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times

Hardworking crooks commit hardworking crime,
and hardworking prisoners do hardworking time,
behind hardworking walls and in hardworking yards
under hardworking lock and key and hardworking guards.

We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family
with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody,
hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes
we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times

Hardworking Lycra on a hardworking jogger
pass a hardworking motorist whose thoughts are quite improper,
hardworking cyclists on hardworking bikes
ride on hardworking pavements and run hardworking lights.

We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family
with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody,
hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes
we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times

Hardworking folk live on their hardworking wits
suffer hardworking cuts to their hardworking benefits
the hardworking NHS is hardworking toast
like the hardworking railways and hardworking post.

We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family
with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody,
hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes
we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times

The hardworking pundit in his hardworking rambles
tells of hardworking budgetary omnishambles
a hardworking phrase, sound hardworking bite;
hardworking words don't make it hardworking alright

We're a hardworking band, we're a hardworking Family
with hardworking lyrics and hardworking melody,
hardworking rhythms and hardworking rhymes
we're hardworking singing for these hardworking times
Track Name: IDS Land
There's travellers living in Sainsbury's car park
Locals are complaining that they don't pay any tax
I don't see 'em burning their Take That albums
Don't see 'em taking their Vodafone's back

There's travellers on the field in Sewardstone Road
A militia being formed on a Facebook page
Some people think an action group is just for talking
Some people are planning some GBH, GBH, GBH

It's casual racism
No escapin' it here

All is not well, all is not well, all is not well
It's getting' out of hand
All is not well, all is not well, all is not well
In Duncan Smith Land

A helicopter flying over the houses
A helicopter flying all bloody day
Apparently they're chasing illegal Romainians
That's OK but they're keeping me awake

And they're living in the Guide Hut on Kings Head Hill
There's a whole shanty town off of Advent Way
Don't care about their problems. Consider voting UKIP
Just wish the foreigners would go away, go away, go away

It's casual racism
No escapin' it here

All is not well, all is not well, all is not well
It's getting' out of hand
All is not well, all is not well, all is not well
In Duncan Smith Land

There's a homeless man living in Larkswood Park
Have you seen the queues for the Doctor's Surgery
No one wants to walk there after dark
I blame the immigrants, they got here early

And they're doggin' in the bushes at the back of my house
I'm tryin' not to look, no I don't know who
The council won't cut the trees, the gypsies will
It's so confusing I dunno what to do, dunno what to do, dunno what to do

It's casual racism
No escapin' it here

All is not well, all is not well, all is not well
It's getting' out of hand
All is not well, all is not well, all is not well
In Duncan Smith Land

Iain Duncan Smith Land
Iain Duncan Smith Land
Iain Duncan Smith Land
Iain Duncan Smith Land

They're Tory-voting
Immigrant scapegoating
Enoch Powell
Apocalypse-approaching
Hate-promoting
They're not joking
I don't understand
Iain Duncan Smith Land
Track Name: None Of The Above
Feel let down by politics?
Feel let down by the system, and the man?
Feel like burning down the ballot box?
Well, if you wanna vote for None Of The Above, you can.

You wanna vote for none of the above?
In Chingford and Woodford Green you can
He'll be the first name on your ballot paper
Above, None Of The: He's your man

He's a one man band of constitutional reform
Says a local referendum should be the norm
I'd like to see his manifesto for this town
But it seems his web site is permanently down

You wanna vote for none of the above?
In Chingford and Woodford Green you can
He'll be the first name on your ballot paper
Above, None Of The: He's your man

What about the economy?
Let's have a referendum
What about the NHS?
Let's have a referendum
What about the war?
Let's have a referendum
Let's have a referendum
About the referendum

You wanna vote for none of the above?
In Chingford and Woodford Green you can
He'll be the first name on your ballot paper
Above, None Of The: He's your man

He got 202 votes
That's about half of one percent
On a ticket of mass consultation
And a bid to increase unemployment

You wanna vote for none of the above?
In Chingford and Woodford Green you can
He'll be the first name on your ballot paper
Above, None Of The: He's your man

He blamed anti-social youth
His cuts would make a Tory proud
His campaign manager was his mum
And his name on the ballot was the wrong way round

You wanna vote for none of the above?
In Chingford and Woodford Green you can
He'll be the first name on your ballot paper
Above, None Of The: He's your man
Track Name: Pop-Up Punx
There's a Heritage Lottery funded thing in Hoe St
A lottery funded workshop thing in an Awesomestow street
From Small Wonder in Walthamstow
It's small wonder in Awesomestow
That all that we really wanna know
Is what the fuck is a pop-up punk?

Yeah you're old school.... you're a real die-hard
With Never Mind The Bollocks on your credit card
Who's that sell out selling butter?
Who's that part-time in the gutter?
Enough to make a Strummer splutter
What the fuck is a pop-up punk?

Here they come, la la la la la la, la la la la la la the pop-up punks......

There's a Heritage Lottery funded thing in your street
A cheeky Nandos, multiplex cinema, shipping out the poor street
Commodifying your memories
Packaged up with booking fees
Can somebody tell us please
What the fuck is a pop-up punk?

Here they come, la la la la la la, la la la la la la the pop-up punks, the pop-up punks......
Here they come, la la la la la la, la la la la la la the pop-up punks,................what the fuck is a pop-up punk?
Track Name: The Side of the Fox
It's not illegal if only rich people do it
Dolled up in their red coats on Boxing Day
It's not illegal to try to stop it
But the coppers only come to chase the sabs away
It's not illegal if the rich people say it
It's their parliament makin' up the laws
It's not illegal to make 'em stick to it
There's laws that they like, and there's laws that they ignore

'Cos Cameron supports the hunt
And Clarkson supports the hunt
And Farage supports the hunt
Well, we all knew......
Cruelty's a capitalist game
They treat human beings just the same
So if you're taking sides we've given ours a name:
We're on the side of the fox

It's not illegal if only rich people do it
Set the boys and the dogs after the fox gone to ground
It's not illegal if the rich people want it
Like kettling a protest, pushing students around
The rich man wants to set his hounds on you
But you're in Parliament Square, what a shame
He might have to settle for the Boys in Blue
But it's a chase on horseback just the same

'Cos Cameron supports the hunt
And Clarkson supports the hunt
And Farage supports the hunt
Well, we all knew......
Cruelty's a capitalist game
They treat human beings just the same
So if you're taking sides we've given ours a name:
We're on the side of the fox

The fox's scent or the people's dissent
The toffs will want to hunt it down
With or without lawful consent
In the field, in the forest, in the town
Make a stand
Raise your hand
Join the band
Make it stop

We're on the side of the fox
Track Name: Sniffin' Gluten
Jemima’s up the duff but she doesn’t want to get fat
It’s all about her waist not the baby’s health and all that
She’s basking in the glow
Of a feature in Hello
She’s sniffing gluten

And Ben is an addict he proper can’t get enough
Of artisan bread with an artisan craft crust
He’s basking in the glow
Of his morning sourdough
Sniffing gluten

Sniffing gluten in Shoreditch and the Hampstead borders
Sniffing gluten in Chelsea under dieticians orders
So grab your Bugaboo
And a plastic bag or two
For sniffing gluten
Sniffing gluten in the Village it’s the latest craze
Sniffing gluten as two of your five-a-days
So grab your Bugaboo
And a plastic bag or two
For sniffing gluten

She can’t help sniffing gluten, it makes her really ill
Her disease is now in fashion, that’s the bitterest pill
There’s no afterglow
From the places that she goes
Sniffing gluten

Jemima’s up the duff but she doesn’t want to get fat
What the actual fuck is fucking up with that?
Someone have a word
Hasn’t she heard
Of sniffing gluten

Sniffing gluten in Shoreditch and the Hampstead borders
Sniffing gluten in Chelsea under dieticians orders
So grab your Bugaboo
And a plastic bag or two
For sniffing gluten

Sniffing gluten in the Village it’s the latest craze
Sniffing gluten as two of your five-a-days
So grab your Bugaboo
And a plastic bag or two
For sniffing gluten

Didn’t we used to know a magazine about that?

Now I wanna sniff some gluten
Track Name: A Song for Sonja
Facebollocks
Wilkobastards
Virginfuckin media
Crocs on her feet, tits and teeth
Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia
Tolpuddle Martyrs, Grace Petrie

Cider in a box pissed, Billy Bragg guest list
Rock chick hair, never trusted Tony Blair
Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia
Taught a generation of activists to swear

Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia
A pint of Piddle from Spanish Lidl, shopping in Waitrose but don't go to Tescos
Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia
Biscuits, cider and Saddoes

Facebollocks, Wilkobastards, Virginfuckinmedia

Biscuits, cider and saddoes