If it turns out you're one of the 1%,
Trust me you wanna know early
You don't want it big, you don't want it clever,
It's as manly as it is girly
And if you think I'm talking 'bout the stinking rich,
You just better think again
'Cos if it happens to your aunt and it happens to your nan,
It also happens to men

Self-examination is good
Doing it with friends can be more rewarding
But if you ain't in the mood
Just have a quick feel, it ain't worth ignoring

Man boobs are in the news
In the mags and on the telly
How to get rid of your muffin top
Take an inch off your Christmas belly
Here's some exercises you can do at home
But a quick grope's much more fun
And if you find a lump's giving you the hump
It's off to the quack's my son

Self-examination is good
Doing it with friends can be more rewarding
But if you ain't in the mood
Just have a quick feel, it ain't worth ignoring

Maybe you worked in a steel mill
Maybe you're exposed to radiation
Maybe it's family history
Could even be a genetic mutation
You've probably got too much oestrogen
You can catch that from a Big Mac
But it's a great excuse to squeeze your moobs
Get your hands on your own rack

Self-examination is good
Doing it with friends can be more rewarding
But if you ain't in the mood
Just have a quick feel, it ain't worth ignoring
Just have a quick feel, it's never boring
Yeah have a quick feel
You'll still respect yourself in the morning